How much is enough? Where is the boundary of acceptable behaviour? These questions particularly relate to relationship issues; where someone is behaving in a difficult and challenging way.
Seems to me that in close and intimate family relationships we seem to give ourselves permission to behave much worse than we’d allow ourselves to behave publically.
But ask yourself why do you give yourself permission to behave really badly in relationships which should be your most important relationships? Would you treat your colleagues in the same way you treat your partner? Would you allow yourself to behave in the office the way you behave at home?
If the answer is no then the next logical question is on what basis are you giving yourself permission to behave so destructively towards the people most important to you? Theoretically, a close, loving relationship is your most important primary relationship. So isn’t it then logical that that’s the relationship you would take most care of? That’s the person/people you would treat in the best possible way?
How destructive is the behaviour? How destructive is the dynamic of the relationship? Would you, for instance, make public on a public platform what you say in private to people? Would you be happy to have your WhatsApp messages published? Would you be happy to have the nasty emails that you send made public?
If your answer is no, then I think that’s what tells us where the cut off point is of that which is tolerable and that which is intolerable behaviour.
There’s a basic cut off point I believe where behaviour is either civilised or uncivilised – socially acceptable or not socially acceptable. And if you know that your behaviour is open to social sanction on a public platform then you have gone too far.
If your private behaviour is intolerable and unacceptable for public consumption why are you subjecting your nearest and dearest to this unbearable and insufferable behaviour?
Get in contact with me if you would like to explore ways in which to tackle these behaviours.
