The Pressure of Striving to be Perfect when Standards are Contradictory – Part 1
Most of us wake up every morning wanting to be the best versions of ourselves, but by about 9 am we have lost the plot and are drowning under waves of franticness, feeling overwhelmed and pulled in every direction. Paradox and perfection relate to those thoughts, ideas, ideals and standards that we try to live up to that are often contradictory yet perfectionistic; that, in my opinion, just make us plain crazy. Perhaps the first thing we can ask ourselves is: ‘How am I defining success and who is setting the standard?’ And boy, are there a million answers to that question. There is always...
Read MoreBoundaries of Acceptable Behaviour
How much is enough? Where is the boundary of acceptable behaviour? These questions particularly relate to relationship issues; where someone is behaving in a difficult and challenging way. Seems to me that in close and intimate family relationships we seem to give ourselves permission to behave much worse than we’d allow ourselves to behave publically. But ask yourself why do you give yourself permission to behave really badly in relationships which should be your most important relationships? Would you treat your colleagues in the same way you treat your partner? Would you allow yourself to...
Read MoreChanging your self-talk will change your life
We have all seen a fairy tale with either a delicate fairy or an evil witch casting spells. Spells that are woven with words. Our words carry energy and have the power to shape our emotions and our relationships. The way we tell a story impacts our audience. The ancient Egyptians are even said to have believed that all words contain magic. If this is so, let’s consider how you are talking to yourself, and others, about you and your world? Are you uttering blessings or curses? How are you painting the picture of you in the story of your life? What light are you casting your character in? If...
Read MoreThe Craft of Great Communication – Style Is Important
This is the third part of a series of posts. See Part One here and Part Two here. One of the best ways to improve your communication is to look at how the style of your communication can create defensiveness (which is unproductive) or a sense of supportiveness; which is productive and moves the communication towards a resolution or bond or common purpose. The type of talk that generally proves destructive, and sets up defensive reactions in the listener, is talk that is evaluative, controlling, strategic, indifferent, superior, and certain. When you evaluate or judge another person, or what...
Read MoreThe Craft of Great Communication – What You Intend Isn’t Nearly As Important As What The Person Hears
This is the second part of a series of posts. See Part One here. There’s an old saying that goes: We judge ourselves by our intentions, and we judge others by their results. You judge them by the impact their words have on you, and NOT their intent because you don’t know their intent. What that means is that it doesn’t matter what you intend, or what you mean, as much as it matters what results you create. If you say something offensive, even if your heart is full of loving, positive thoughts and feelings, it still comes across as offensive (the result). It’s the subtle “less than” messages...
Read MoreThe Craft of Great Communication – An Overview of Your World View
We weave our realities with the words we use. Words are what help us to work together and achieve together. Words are the invisible threads that help us connect with others, to share our thoughts, feelings and intentions. But how we choose to use our words is a crucial issue. We can use words to destroy or we can use words to create. We can create a world that reflects positive engagement or we can create a world of difficulties with our relationships, work and emotions. To a large extent how we choose to communicate has a great deal to do with how we see people. If we see them as...
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